How to Manage #Your First #Conflict With# In-laws

How to deal with initial conflicts with your mother-in-law or others in the new family.

Whether you live as a nuclear family or in a joint setup, it is very likely that your in-laws will have a strong influence on your marital life.

It is not uncommon for a new bride to run into a few sticky situations with in-laws within the first few months of marriage – after all, you are your own person with your own set of beliefs and ideologies, which may or may not be in line with those of your in-laws.

Why your husband may not support anyone

From minor comments regarding your clothes to more serious issues concerning finances and religion, issues with in-laws are a normal, and a rather inescapable part of married life. Things become all the more difficult when your husband refuses to intervene in any way or does not seem to be taking your side. Remember that it is a tough call for him as well – he doesn’t want to hurt you or his parents. Be understanding towards his situation, but at the same time, convey your feelings as gently and politely as possible.

Your in-laws are going be a part of your life, so setting things straight with them right in the beginning is definitely in your interest. Your first conflict with in-laws may be just the opportunity for you to build a one-on-one relationship with them and open the gates of communication that will hold you in good stead in the time to come.

Love, respect and care for in-laws

A good way to start would be to show that you genuinely love, respect and care for them. Once they warm up a little, you can tactfully communicate what is bothering you, at the same time assuring them that you are not here to disrupt the family. Be open to what they have to say and confide as you would to your own parents – this is easier said than done, but worth an attempt because it helps build mutual trust and eases some of their insecurities.

Understanding the anxiety of in-laws

At this stage, it is important to understand that just as you are struggling to get used to your new home, your in-laws are struggling to get used to you! Their anxieties are not ill-founded either – for them you are the outsider who may or may not take care of their son as well as them. They may even feel neglected or sidelined because their son now spends a large chunk of his time with you. This anxiety may spill over to their attitude towards you, which can range from cold and distant to overbearing and intrusive. Understanding their state of mind will help you bridge the distance and forge a positive bond with your new family.

If all else fails, calmly talk about the issue with your husband but be careful not to sound negative about his parents. Work as a team to find ways to discuss the problem without offending the elders.

Some issues resolve on their own while others may need considerable effort on your part. As long as you have the will to nurture a harmonious, loving relationship with your in-laws, you will find a way to work around the trickiest of problems.

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Managing relationships better through understanding

When you deeply understand the people around you will have fruitful relationships, says Sadhguru, Isha Foundation.

The closer your relationship with someone, the more effort you should make to understand them. Someone becomes closer and dearer to you only as you understand them better. It is not that the other person is totally bereft of understanding. With your understanding you can create situations where the other person would be able to understand you better. If you are expecting the other to understand and comply with you all the time while you don’t understand the limitations, possibilities, needs and capabilities of that person, conflict is all that will happen. Unfortunately, the closest relationships in the world have more conflict going on than between enemies.

People have fought many more battles in their relationships than countries that have been at war. This is because your line of understanding and theirs is different. If you cross this L.O.C., they will get mad. If they cross it, you will get mad. But if you move your understanding beyond theirs, their understanding also becomes a part of your understanding. You will be able to embrace their limitations and capabilities. In everyone, there are some positive aspects and some negative aspects. If you embrace all this in your understanding, you can make the relationship the way you want it. If you leave it to their understanding, it will become accidental. If they are very magnanimous, things will happen well for you. If not, the relationship will break up.

All I am asking is: do you want to be the one who decides what happens to your life? Whether they are intimate relationships, professional, political, global or whatever, don’t you want to be the person who decides what happens in your life? If you do, you should include everything and everyone into your understanding. You should enhance your understanding to such a point that you can look beyond people’s madness also. There are very wonderful people around you, but once in a while they like to go crazy for a few minutes. If you don’t understand their madness, you will definitely lose them. If you do, then you know how to handle them.

Life is not always a straight line; you have to do many things to keep it going. If you forsake your understanding, your capability will be lost. Whether it is a question of personal relationships or professional management, in both places you need understanding. Then, you will have fruitful relationships.

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#Dealing with #new# family #members

A few tips that can help you adjust to the new people and new family.

You have probably met your in-laws several times before the wedding but things are drastically different once you officially become a part of the family. Expectations abound.

Give love to receive love

Remember that a house is made of bricks, but a home is made of hearts. Be warm and accepting towards all family members and learn to overlook their faults. Care for them as you would for your own parents and siblings. Life will turn several shades more beautiful and satisfying when you receive that love back.

Earn their trust

Since you are the newest addition to the family, it is natural that all eyes will be on you. Be careful of what you speak and the way you conduct yourself. In the beginning, it best to be a keen observer and a good listener to familiarize yourself with the ways of the house. Avoid meddling in family affairs and don’t ask uncomfortable or awkward questions. With time, as you earn your in-laws’ trust, they will automatically open up to you and make you a part of all crucial family discussions.

Don’t be judgmental

It is likely that some members of your new family will warm up to you instantly, while others will take their time, so don’t be too quick to judge. It helps to meet everyone with an open mind and give yourself a fair chance at getting to know them. Who knows, that sour-faced aunt may just end up being your closest confidant!

Find ways to bond with individuals

The easiest way to adjust into the folds of your new family is to bond with each member at an individual level. Ask your husband what each of them likes and plan your moves accordingly. How about helping your father-in-law with gardening or accompanying your sister-in-law on a shopping trip? You can also offer to babysit your nephews and nieces so your brother-in-law can take his wife out on a date. Small gestures like these will warm their hearts and foster closeness.

Don’t criticize your husband’s family

Things are not likely to be hunky-dory all the time. There may be some things that you may not like about a particular person, but it wouldn’t be wise to complain about the same before your husband. Remember that all people are different and as a new bride, it is your responsibility to at least try and find ways to get along with them. Take all criticism in your stride and approach conflicts with dignity and grace. It may seem overwhelming at first, but it is definitely not impossible!

If at all you land in a situation that leaves you out of your wits, do talk it out with your husband and ask for his advice. Assure him that you genuinely want to have a harmonious relationship with everyone in the family, and he will be more than happy to help you out.

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How to handle the “when are you having a baby” question

“When are you having a baby?” is a tough question. Handle the question with ease.

The question can be a little irritating but try not to feel annoyed. Do remember that they too want you both to be happy and enjoy being blessed with children. When they meet a newly-married couple, it makes them nostalgic and also makes them eager to see you and your husband experience the joys of parenthood. However, you may feel embarrassed to deal with this question especially when you and your spouse have decided to postpone having a child or if you have any health issues. You need to be tactful, polite and respond in such a way that you don’t end up hurting anyone in the bargain.

Team up with your spouse

Have a discussion with your spouse about what you are going to tell those relatives when the question of having a baby comes up. If you have decided to postpone having a child, justify it by saying, it will be post a life event like finishing a degree or buying a house. Whatever you plan to say, make sure both of you say the same thing. In the case of some couples, they would like to break the news post a pregnancy milestone like say 12 weeks of pregnancy, decide when you plan to break the news, if it applies to you.

Charm them with your love

Here’s a sweet way of dodging the question. For example if your grandmother asks about when you are planning to have a baby, say that you do not have immediate plans, but promise that once you do, she will be the first to know. This will not only be a smooth way to tackle the issue but also make the other person feel important in your life.

Ask for advice

Most relatives especially the older ones love to dole out advice and asking for advice can be a good way to ease out this question. Tell them you are planning for kids soon and compliment them on the way they brought up their kids. Ask them questions on bringing up children and you will have a whole new spin on the conversation and they will enjoy sharing their tips.

Handle it with humour

Sometimes humour can diffuse even the most tense situations. Come up with something like, “We are planning to have a child once we find a nice aunt/ uncle who’s ready to help us look after the baby. Are you ready?”

Change the subject

When the curious relative comes up with the question, just smile and switch the topic. Keep a few stock topics ready in your mind. Preparing ahead ensures that you can pull this off with ease.

These simple strategies should help you handle the question with ease yet without damaging any of your relationships with family and relatives.

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How to handle the “when are you having a baby” question

“When are you having a baby?” is a tough question. Handle the question with ease.

The question can be a little irritating but try not to feel annoyed. Do remember that they too want you both to be happy and enjoy being blessed with children. When they meet a newly-married couple, it makes them nostalgic and also makes them eager to see you and your husband experience the joys of parenthood. However, you may feel embarrassed to deal with this question especially when you and your spouse have decided to postpone having a child or if you have any health issues. You need to be tactful, polite and respond in such a way that you don’t end up hurting anyone in the bargain.

Team up with your spouse

Have a discussion with your spouse about what you are going to tell those relatives when the question of having a baby comes up. If you have decided to postpone having a child, justify it by saying, it will be post a life event like finishing a degree or buying a house. Whatever you plan to say, make sure both of you say the same thing. In the case of some couples, they would like to break the news post a pregnancy milestone like say 12 weeks of pregnancy, decide when you plan to break the news, if it applies to you.

Charm them with your love

Here’s a sweet way of dodging the question. For example if your grandmother asks about when you are planning to have a baby, say that you do not have immediate plans, but promise that once you do, she will be the first to know. This will not only be a smooth way to tackle the issue but also make the other person feel important in your life.

Ask for advice

Most relatives especially the older ones love to dole out advice and asking for advice can be a good way to ease out this question. Tell them you are planning for kids soon and compliment them on the way they brought up their kids. Ask them questions on bringing up children and you will have a whole new spin on the conversation and they will enjoy sharing their tips.

Handle it with humour

Sometimes humour can diffuse even the most tense situations. Come up with something like, “We are planning to have a child once we find a nice aunt/ uncle who’s ready to help us look after the baby. Are you ready?”

Change the subject

When the curious relative comes up with the question, just smile and switch the topic. Keep a few stock topics ready in your mind. Preparing ahead ensures that you can pull this off with ease.

These simple strategies should help you handle the question with ease yet without damaging any of your relationships with family and relatives.

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#Getting to know your #partner after #marriage

Your spouse is your best friend, one with whom you will share life’s journey.

It’s important to get to know your husband or wife better as they’re a special friend who will be with you forever. We thought a little guidance here might help newlyweds.

Make your spouse feel loved

Each person expresses love in different ways, while some like to write notes or share sweet nothings, there are others who like to buy gifts, help around the house and so on. Make that extra effort to understand your spouse’s expressions, preferences and priorities. Do not forget special days like your spouse’s birthday or your wedding anniversary, make sure these days are memorable. Be lavish with your love.

Respect your spouse

When there are major decisions to be taken, make sure that your spouse is involved. Never argue in public or in front of others in the family. If you have an issue, discuss it privately. If you have to advice your spouse, do this in a loving way, never ever nag or belittle your spouse.

Forgiveness is important

In the course of life, all of us make mistakes, some small and some glaringly big. However, have a forgiving attitude towards your spouse. Do not hold grudges. Once you have forgiven your spouse, do not bring up the same thing any time later. Forgive and forget. If you make a mistake, be gracious enough to admit it and seek forgiveness.

Active listening to build a strong bond

Most of us listen to our spouses while trying to multi-task or being pre-occupied with other things. When you listen, be an active listener. Set aside other distractions and tasks and focus on what your spouse is saying. Make eye contact and also use words like ‘ok, you’re right, that’s fine’ to show you are listening and also take time to clarify something he or she says that you are not clear about.

Be clear with what you expect

When you ask your spouse to help with a task or need to work on some other aspect of the relationship, it’s up to you to make what lies in your mind clear.

Don’t make comparisons

Each one of us is unique and has his or her own strengths and weaknesses. It’s simply unfair to compare them with anyone. For instance, as a husband, do not compare your wife’s cooking with your mother; accept she has her own individual style of cooking. If you are a wife, do not compare what your husband earns with someone else in the family. Accept your spouse just the way they are.

Make your spouse feel special

Little surprise gifts and thoughtful surprise acts like making a spouse’s favourite dish will be cherished. Be generous with compliments to your spouse. Plan couple time, outings that include just the two of you. This will make your spouse feel happy and loved.

Find activities to do together

You both can take up a hobby like say music or an activity like yoga together. This will give you both time to bond better.

These tips should go a long way in helping you build a happy marriage and a happy home.

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10 #Ways to A #Happy #Marriage

A happy marriage will make your life more fulfilling. Tips to guide you to happiness.

It is rightly said that “marriages and made in heaven but are celebrated here on earth”, which means that no matter how perfect your union may seem, you will still need to work on your marital relationship to make sure that it doesn’t lose its sheen. Here are ten elements that can make all the difference to the strength and longevity of your relationship with your spouse.

Commitment

Behind a happy marriage, there are always two very dedicated partners. If you are willing to do everything possible for your partner’s happiness, even the biggest hurdles in life can be overcome with ease. Commit yourself to making your spouse’s life beautiful in every little way you can.

Acceptance

The most pleasurable marriages are those where both partners accept and embrace each other in all totality all their flaws included. Your partner may be very different from you, and may have some habits/ interests that you quite don’t like, but that does not mean you cannot create happy memories together. Remember that no one is perfect, and in pressurizing your partner to change as a person, you will only breed resentment and frustration.

Giving

Unconditional love is all about giving without expecting anything in return. Marriage is not a business transaction and neither is it a game of tit-for-tat. Give your marriage your all and put in your best efforts to make it work. Invest emotionally in your partner’s life and give them all your attention when you both are together. Love and understanding over a period in leads to a happy relationship.

Gratitude

Sure, it’s your spouse’s responsibility to take care of you but it wouldn’t hurt to express gratitude every once in a while just to show your appreciation and tell them how much they mean to you. You can get them a small surprise gift, or else, a simple heartfelt hug will work just fine!

Communication

Talking can sort out any issue. Strive towards a relationship where you both can openly express your feelings without any fear or hesitation. Make communication a way of life by having “together conversations” every day. These can then open up the channels for more deep and profound discussions.

Forgiveness

Holding on to a grudge is easy but it takes a large heart to forgive and move on. We all make mistakes and it is normal to feel hurt or upset over something your partner did. But, hanging on to the anger will only multiply the negativity. The sooner you move on, the better it is for the health of your marriage. It is only fair to give your partner a chance when they ask for it.

Space

Striking the right balance between “my space”, “your space” and “our space” is one of the most crucial and challenging areas of a marriage. Being together while maintaining your individuality ensures that both partners have wholesome and satisfying lives. Keep pursuing your passions and encourage your partner to do the same. It also a healthy practice to nurture relationships outside of your marriage, such as family and friends.

Intimacy

This doesn’t just refer to physical intimacy (though that is important too!). Marriage is beautiful when two people are deeply connected on a mental and emotional level. Make sure to spend enough time alone with your partner where you can explore your relationship and tune in to each other’s thoughts.

Support

Your spouse counts on you to support them at every step, be it career, parenthood, family matters or any other decision that involves both of you. Be by your partner’s side whenever they need you, especially during life’s difficult moments. Sometimes you may not agree with your partner’s viewpoint, yet, respect their feelings and try to understand where they are coming from.

Trust

Marriages cannot survive in the absence of trust. Even a small breach of trust will inflict wounds that will take time to heal. Even though it may seem difficult at times, it is always wiser to be truthful and honest with your partner so that the mutual respect is not lost.

By following these you’re sure to have a happy and successful marriage.

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