#Women #Speak #Emotions

When a man pays closer attention, he will be able to understand his wife.

Understanding why women speak emotions

While some would look at being emotional as a drawback, this is not necessarily so. It plays a big role in cementing relationships, especially marriage. When a husband cares to look beneath the surface, he will be able to understand his wife and her emotions better. This will lay the foundation for a smooth and loving relationship.

By nature women are more emotional than men. They are simply wired that way. After all, they are the nurturers of the family and born with a natural tendency to care. Besides their mindset, hormones like estrogen and prolactin which is found in tears play a role in making them emotional beings.

She draws strength from her emotions

For a woman, her world is a large network of relations and emotions. No matter what the situation is, she relates to the situation in a very personal way. This even extends to news items or gossip. For instance, if a successful businessman suddenly made big losses, both sexes would approach this differently. The man would look at the financial side of the loss while the woman would think about how he and his family would cope, what would happen to the child’s education and so on.

Emotional men are perceived as weak

Men have been conditioned by society from childhood not to express their emotions. Showing emotions is frowned down upon and seen as weak. Consequently, when they face a problem, they withdraw into a shell and try to find answers by introspecting. Women though like to handle their problems as a team and seek help from friends and family. For them being emotional is very much a part of connecting with everyone else.

When women communicate, their conversations are quite animated and display a range of emotions from sad, cheerful, excited, thrilled to angry. They shoot them off at top speed too! Gary Smalley the author of “Making Love Last Forever” says women speak at 250 words per minute and men speak at 125. This sometimes leaves men overwhelmed, unable to cope with the deluge of words and they shut off. While the man struggles to express himself with words, the woman gets angry as she feels he is not responding properly.

For a wife, every memory, happy or sad comes with an emotion attached. This makes her very sensitive. She reacts to her husband based on her emotional memories. What makes this more complicated is that she bases decisions on these. This means that a past hurt can rear its ugly head in the present. Even if a man has changed over the years, her response comes from her previous experience.

Better bonding with women

Build a stronger bond with your wife, simply by lending her your ear! Just sharing her problems can make her feel much better and loved. Resist the temptation to tell her why she should not feel that way. Let her vent her feelings, after that, ask her if you can help in any way. During an argument or a fight, when you come to the point if saying something wounding, stop yourself. An emotional wound can leave a long scar. Putting in that bit of effort into empathizing with a woman’s emotions will go a long way into creating a dream marriage.

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#Understanding the #changing roles and #moods of #women

Often with good understanding a husband can achieve much more than he can with diamonds.

What are norms for a woman are exceptions for a man. After a woman marries she is required to go live with her husband and his family. That is the norm. If a man does this, that is an exception. Blame that on tradition.

But what is often missed is another side of this tradition: marriage gives a man a new stature, a stature that embodies everything his wife leaves behind in her parental home: her mother, father, her siblings and all the comforts that she is used to while growing up. Her husband now signifies a trust that she places in him to make her feel at home in the new environment and in her new role.

Men often complain that women marry them for what they were and then spend the rest of their housewifely years trying to change them to what they want them to be. Can’t blame women. Women evolve with time. Men have to change in concert to maintain the delicate balance that is intrinsic to happy marriages. And as for the woman marriage brings about a transformation: from a carefree young woman to wife, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, mother and one who is required to live up to myriad expectations.

However we live in the real world. In the real world often the pieces don’t fall in place. The husband may on occasions fall short of his unwritten commitments. On occasions the wife is not able to live up to expectations. More often than not the reason for this is the clutter and confusion of professional and family life.

This is especially true in the case of women; they have so many roles to play. Besides this women have to contend with mood swings that are hardwired to their biological makeup. This could happen every month at fixed intervals. This could happen with every rise and fall of estrogen levels.

When life becomes hectic and moods swing for no apparent reason, women need help. And who better to give it to them than the husband. And often this help takes the form of patience, understanding, appreciation and honesty.

Merely by listening to his wife a husband shows that he cares. By appreciating her new hairstyle or telling her how good she looks in the new salwar he lets her know that she is still the focus of his attention. By being honest with her – even in tricky situations – he encourages her to be open with him.

In the interest of familial harmony men are sometimes required to take on roles in addition to the roles of their stone-age ancestors. Listen to your woman, study her body language and observe nuanced changes. In time you will learn that women need a lot more than just respect, romance and care for a happy relationship.

Often with patience, understanding, appreciation and truthfulness a husband can achieve a lot more than he can with gold and diamonds.

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Understanding your husband’s love language

Each one of us has a desire to give and receive love in a marriage. However, we all have a unique way of expressing and expecting love and this can be divided into 5 key Love Languages. Both spouses must make an effort to understand what the other speaks.

For instance, Prem is an incurable romantic and speaks Love Language #5, but his wife Rekha speaks Love Language #4. One day when he came back tired from work, she had cooked a special meal for him, but he did not appreciate it. Instead, he expected a hug from her. Ultimately both of them got upset with each other due to the mismatch of love languages. The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman explain these very well.

Love language #1: Words of affirmation

Does your husband seem the happiest when you compliment him or write him a note? If so, he is the kind who speaks the love language, Words of Affirmation. Surprise him with compliments and love notes. While praise gives him a high, criticism can completely deflate him.

Love language #2: Quality time

If your husband speaks this language, he will value the time you spend together especially while conversing with each other and the activities woven into the daily routine. Try to make ‘couple time’ where you both can bond together. Weekend getaways, daily walks or workshops together will work.

Love language #3: Receiving gifts

If he speaks this love language, love tokens are every important to him. Even if you give him a small key chain with his initials engraved on it, he would cherish and preserve it. For him, every gift you give is a milestone he marks in his relationship. Give thoughtful gifts, they need not be expensive. Make sure you remember special days like birthdays and anniversaries.

Love language #4: Acts of service

Chores and loving acts you do for your husband will make him feel loved if he speaks this love language. Please him with thoughtful acts like buying him a new sunglass for summer or helping him clean the car. Do not make the needs of others a priority. Use phrases like “I will” and “I can help.”

Love language #5: Physical touch

If your husband speaks the love language of Physical Touch, nurture him with lots of non-verbal body language and touch. Hug and show physical affection. Avoid long stints without physical intimacy.

Decoding your husband’s love language

It’s not really as tough as it seems. You just need to observe how he expresses his love for you, a smart tip is to jot down small instances. The next step is to mirror his language, this will bring you both closer. Accept his love in the way he chooses to express it.

Never give up on your efforts

Initially, mirroring a love language may feel a bit artificial and forced to you. However, keep your efforts going, you will soon find that you speak his love language with ease. It will also bring better mutual understanding and acceptance.

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Why men are result oriented

Men are tuned to provide solutions and often miss the details in conversations. Know why?

If we look at the history of men, for the major part they have been the hunters, warriors and providers. They were primarily defined by their work roles and these were based on results. Even today, this is critical to establishing their identity and status as a man in society and so their approach to life remains result-oriented.

Men tend to focus on one thing at a time unlike the female mind which can multitask with ease. A simple everyday example is to try asking a question to your husband when he is buried in the newspaper in the morning. Most likely he won’t hear you, because he has tuned out everything except the paper. So when you need a string of things done, break up things into manageable chunks. That way, he can handle them one at a time and get them done.

Men are always to the point

While communicating, men tend to get straight to the point. They do not beat around the bush even when it comes to breaking bad news. When they have some criticism too, they share it upfront. However, this may not go down well with the wife who might find such brutal honesty quite upsetting. As a wife, you need to handle this by not letting this impact you negatively and instead feel good that your husband is open enough to share his feelings. Try to understand his perspective and work things out.

Men are less interested in the details

Men are big picture thinkers, they plan in terms of outcome. The smaller, finer details do not come under their scrutiny. When a husband comes home from a business meeting, he may just want to talk about what his company achieved. The wife however will want the smaller details like who came to the meeting, the venue, the food served, how people felt and so on. When a woman asks too many of these questions, it can put a man off. So resist the temptation to get into too much detail. Allow him to share his victories and appreciate them.

Men are naturally competitive

One more major reasons that men are result-oriented is that they are highly competitive. Competition is that rush of adrenalin that propels them to the finish line. Women on the other hand may be competitive but are usually not as fiercely competitive as men. In their rush to get to the top, men may overstep their capacity and be misunderstood. As a wife, it’s in your hands to help your husband achieve work-life balance. Encourage him to spend quality time with the family and plan fun family activities. This will help disperse the stress.

Another downside of result orientation is that failure can seem like the end of the world. If your husband has attempted something and it has not worked, don’t depress him further by trying to analyse why it did not work. Instead, give him space to think it over by himself.

Handling your result-oriented husband well can help him achieve new peaks of personal and professional excellence.

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Why ‪#‎Men‬ ‪#‎Don‬’t ‪#‎Remember‬ ‪#‎Details‬

Men forget the details because it’s hardwired in them that they are the providers and protectors.
Men forget the details because it’s hardwired in them they are providers and protectors.
Madam, before you hit the roof about your husband’s forgetfulness remember that not too long ago all that a man was required to do was clobber some hapless creature drag its carcass into a nearby cave where his kith and kin waited for food. That was half his responsibility fulfilled. When his own stomach was full and his primary biological needs taken care of, he would lie in the shade of a big tree and wake up only when his kith and kin were threatened. When that threat was neutralized the man felt that his life’s purpose was achieved.
This behavior is hardwired into the genes of men, ingrained indelibly over millennia. However centuries of evolution has brought about some change. But that change is still miles short of the desired transformation that most women expect. Even now men believe that going to work, putting food on the table, satisfying their primordial needs is in a nutshell the purpose of their life.
Does this mean that most husbands are insensitive? NO.
She remembers that during courtship and the months and years immediately following her marriage, her husband had a wonderful memory for even the trivial details that concerned her. But as the years progressed he seemed to forget even her birthday and their wedding anniversary. Why?
During their early association the man focused on winning the woman’s affection. But after he achieved that, this wooing no longer appeared to be a dare, and the man moved on to things that were external to his domestic realm and more challenging.
Most men do not understand how forgetting little details is perceived as lack of love by women. The men claim that they worked so hard to give their wife and kids the best they possibly could. Most of them were taken by surprise by their wife’s grievances and did not realize that they had done anything wrong or that they had been negligent.
Does this mean that women are unreasonable to expect their spouses to remember details that are important to them? Because of social dynamics and peer pressure, women have come to expect their husbands to behave in a pattern that is prevalent in their social group. And this in addition to their husband being a good provider.
An unreasonable expectation? Not really.
Why?
The solution to this problem is quite simple. A calendar with all the important dates marked on it, together with the wife’s preferred gifts: favorite perfume, desired flowers and so on marked on it. And as an added precaution encourage the wife to drop hints – subtle or otherwise.
“Where are you taking me for dinner this anniversary?”
“Don’t buy me anything very costly for my birthday.”
This always works.
Men must make an attempt to remember all things that matter to his life partner. This shows that he cares for his wife. He must then make this a habit. And over a period it should be fine.
If he is a good provider, a responsible husband and father, your husband is a reasonably good man. So don’t be too hard on him for such lapses especially when the solution is really simple and you could help him develop a good habit.
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What #makes #men #happy

A happy wife is what makes a man feel satisfied. Learn to understand men better.

A beautiful marriage does not just happen. Keeping your husband happy is something that you need to actively work on, but soon this will becomes a spontaneous expression.

Research shows that men feel the most satisfied in a marriage when their wives are happy. There’s something about a happy woman that makes the home reverbrate with cheer! You can actually hear the rooms ring out with laughter. Every family has its share of joys and problems, it’s the attitude with which you handle it that matters. Instead of dwelling on the problems, work towards solutions.

Do not compare your lifestyle or possessions with others, stay content with what you have. After a hard day’s work at home, no husband wants to hear his wife say, “Our neighbour is earning better than you or they have a bigger TV than ours.” This puts off the husband and creates a rift.

Don’t wait for birthdays and anniversaries to make your husband feel special. Celebrate every single day. Pamper him with special gestures everyday, cook his favourite dish, buy him a surprise gift, slip in a love note along with his lunch box. Cooking a special dish always works! Find a different way to win his heart everyday.

Most couples are romantic during the initial years of marriage. However with time as responsibilities grow and kids are born, their focus changes. They fall into a domestic routine and romance is put on the backburner. Keep the romance alive by creating opportunities where you can spend exclusive time with your husband. Write him a love poem, make a collage of your happy couple moments, wear something cool, the list is endless.

Men are turned on visually. This makes it’s important to stay well-groomed and fit. Buy clothes that fit you well and enhance your looks. Watch what you eat and get enough exercise. Make sure you keep yourself well-groomed too.

Respect your husband and never ever criticise him in public. This can cause irreparable damage to his male ego and hurt him badly. Remember you and your husband are a team and never let your team member down.

Trust your husband and give him his own space. If he wants an evening out with his friends, let him do it. Build your own interests and hobbies too, so you bring in a new dimension to your personality.

Show him you love him, be expressive. Compliment him for a special attributes or talent he has. Don’t feel shy or hesitate, let go of your inhibitions and say you love him. Perform little acts of love, get his clothes ready for the next day, help him write emails, buy him something he needs but does not have the time for it.

Above all, appreciate your husband for what he is. Each person is unique and comes with a package of strengths and weaknesses, accept your husband for what he is.

When a man sees a happy woman, he feels blessed.

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What makes a wife angry?

 

Certainly some things pull the trigger in women. If only men could watch for these.

Friction is an expected corollary in any close relationship. And marriage is no exception. Wives can get as intensely angry as men and as frequently. The husband must deal with his wife’s anger correctly and in time for the relationship to be happy and peaceful.

However dealing with a wife’s anger is a challenge for most men simply because they don’t seem to understand why she’s angry.

Let’s first see what pulls the trigger in wives:

1. Wives can turn furious when their husbands become silent, and inattentive, and don’t give answers or offer explanations to their pressing queries.

2. They get upset when the husband postpones sitting with them to discuss and sort out issues that relate to money, children, and other delicate issues.

3. Wives become upset when they are not consulted about decisions that involve her, the children and other matters that relate to the house.

4. Wives lose their cool when the husband rushes her when she is readying to go out for an important occasion.

5. They get angry when the husband forgets important dates like birthdays and anniversaries.

6. They hate it when husbands try to cozy up to them in the middle of an argument. Endearments like, ‘You look pretty when you are angry” or “I love you” sound shallow and pretentious to them.

Denial of legitimate wants

All these reasons can be summed up in a single statement: wives get angry when they feel they are being denied a legitimate want. When this feeling of denial sets in, a wife at first complains respectfully. When this doesn’t work she ramps up the volume of arguments, often bring up incidents from the past.

It doesn’t happen suddenly

But things never have to come to this stage. Like any of the ailments that we may have 90% of the cure is early detection, so too marital differences. It is a fact that a wife’s discontent is not something that creeps up and takes the husband by surprise. It progresses over months, sometimes years. If couples care enough to listen to each other they will clearly hear the initial whispers of discontent and do what is necessary to deal with it. It must however be remembered that the solution to any discord lies with both partners. A solo effort will produce no worthwhile results.

Pay attention early

When the husband first notices traces of discontent emanating from his wife, he must appreciate that she is respectfully asking for something and that she is silently expressing a desire to sort out issues in a mutually acceptable manner. If a husband fails to respond to his wife’s silent appeals he will find himself facing more vociferous demands.

Don’t add to the argument

Often at this stage most husbands try to fight fire with fire making the situation only worse. The right way however, is to respectfully listen to his wife, knowing that she may not mean much. It goes without saying that the wife should also somehow refrain from being angry and negotiate with her husband to resolve the problems afflicting them.

Why let things spin out of control and get to this stage in the first place?

A tested method is for the husband and wife to resolve that they will never do anything unless there is passionate concurrence between the two. Husband and wife must also resolve never to be disrespectful to the other. They must remember that the spoken word can never be taken back and whatever the couple may say, hurtful comments and insults leave an indelible mark.

You married each other promising to be the most significant source of the others happiness. Focus on being just that.

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Why men find it difficult to express their feelings

Do men really find it difficult to listen to women

Men are not tuned to listen and have small attention spans. Learn why.

So why do men find it so difficult to be good listeners? The reasons may range from genetic factors to social conditioning. Let’s look at a few of them.

Machoism

From an early age, most men are conditioned to distance themselves from their emotions, so much so that they start perceiving emotional expression as an effeminate trait. Statements like “boys don’t cry” and “don’t cry like a girl” only reinforce this further. Therefore, when women talk about their innermost feelings, men find it difficult to connect and may even feel overwhelmed. The natural reaction, therefore, is to tune out.

Problem solving

For men, it’s all about logic and reasoning. They find it difficult to deal with anything that may not culminate in a logical solution – such as emotional rants. Men are sometimes unable to acknowledge that a woman is just talking about her problems to get them out of her system, and that she is not necessarily asking for his help in solving them. All women need, at times like these, is for men to give them a patient hearing. Make it clear at the outset that you just want to vent your feelings and he is under no obligation to come up with a solution. Yes, you have to spell it out.

Power play

Men are competitive by nature, and their natural instinct is to dominate. Listening to women, therefore, undermines that instinct and makes some men feel as if the woman is trying to steer the relationship. At times, men purposefully discourage women from talking because they find such discussions make them feel uncomfortable and inadequate. Some men do this by turning sarcastic.

Male ego

Sometimes, men may feel that their partner is trying to prove them wrong, and this can be a huge blow to their egos. Their natural reaction in such scenarios, therefore, is to tune out and stop listening. If you really want to get your point across, bring up every matter in a healthy, compassionate way. Don’t blame or accuse, because that will only make him retreat further.

Inattentiveness

Men are, by nature, not as attentive as women. They are easily overwhelmed by details and find it difficult to focus on anything that is not based on fact or logic (such as abstract emotions). While this is an inherent trait that you can’t do much about, you can change your communication strategies to get your message across more effectively. For example, keep your conversations with your spouse short and to the point, with clear instructions on what you want him to do. Reserve the lengthy emotional rants for your girlfriends who are more likely to be patient listeners.

Please note that these are not to be taken as blanket statements – each individual is different and responds to stimuli is his or her own unique manner. With time, you will learn what works best for your relationship.

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Speaking the Language of Women

Men would be on a strong footing if they made a bid to understand women.

No man can safely claim that he knows everything that goes on in a woman’s mind – or even anything close to it. To be in perfect harmony in a relationship, it is important to know what works and what doesn’t in dealing with the “other gender”. Not only does this help spouses understand each other better, it makes it easy to defuse any conflicts that may arise.

Women are a different breed when it comes to communication and emotions, and men would find themselves on a stronger footing in their marriage if they made a few considerations and avoided some common mistakes.

Making problem-solving the main priority

Now, this might sound a bit counter-productive since men take it upon themselves to set everything straight. However, in times of trouble, women only want someone to give them a patient hearing and acknowledge their feelings. Take the case of Rahul and Vidya, for instance. A newly married couple, Rahul and Vidya were leading a blissful life for the most part, but a bit of frustration started creeping in when Rahul tried to deal with every fight and argument by offering a “solution”. “His reluctance to talk about issues and head straight towards a solution angered me the most, especially when I just wanted to pour my heart out and have a friend to talk to,” says Vidya.

Another common mistake that men tend to make in such situations is to later try and win back their spouse by making up or getting a gift. While a thoughtful gift is always appreciated, nothing can compensate for your time, attention and compassion.

Be consistent in your relationship

It is important to control the pace of the marriage to avoid burning out. Men are sometimes guilty of this. “Ganesh used to be very romantic and passionate when we were newly married, but now he rarely does anything nice for me. I can’t help but feel that our relationship has lost its magic,” says Pooja who has been married for five years.

Marriage is like a plant, you need to nurture it every day. Learn to appreciate and support in every little way you can. Do not start off the marriage with great passion and then take things for granted. Instead, keep the romance going for freshness in your relationship.

Don’t treat marriage like a game

Atul and Sonali had a troubled relationship to begin with, but Sonali claimed that the greatest hindrance to their happiness was Atul’s tendency to treat the marriage as a game and keep scores. He would do certain things, and expect her to hold her end of the bargain by performing her duties. This was to him a good way of managing the relationship. Needless to say, this upset her.

Remember, marriage is not a scorecard game where you tick points for each thing done.

Sure marriage is all about sharing responsibilities but it is also about giving and loving. Everything you do for each other does not have to be a transaction with pre-conditions. It helps to balance practical matters with emotional investment on your part.

Make her feel very important

Since marriage is a sacred life time relationship between two people, your wife is deserving of equal responsibility and control. Handling all financial and administrative matters may make men proud, but it can be a real thorn to your wife. Involve her in all decisions and ask for her opinions – you may be surprised at her skill.

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What do women want?

What do women want?

With patience and understanding a man can achieve more than he ever can with diamonds.

What are norms for a woman are exceptions for a man. After a woman marries she is required to go live with her husband and his family. That is the norm. If a man does this, that is an exception. That’s due to the prevailing tradition.

But what is often missed is another side of this tradition: marriage gives a man a new stature, a stature that embodies everything his wife leaves behind in her parental home: her mother, father, her siblings and all the comforts that she is used to while growing up. Her husband now signifies a trust that she places in him to make her feel at home in the new environment and in her new role.

Men often complain that women marry them for what they were and then spend the rest of their housewifely years trying to change them to what they want them to be. Can’t blame women. Women evolve with time. Men have to change in concert to maintain the delicate balance that is intrinsic to happy marriages.

And as for the woman marriage brings about a transformation: from a carefree young woman to wife, daughter-in-law, sister-in-law, mother and one who is required to live up to myriad expectations.

However we live in the real world. In the real world often the pieces don’t fall in place. The husband may on occasions fall short of his unwritten commitments. On occasions the wife is not able to live up to expectations. More often than not the reason for this is the clutter and confusion of professional and family life.

This is especially true in the case of women; they have so many roles to play. Besides this women have to contend with mood swings that are hardwired to their biological makeup. This could happen every month at fixed intervals. This could happen with every rise and fall of estrogen levels.

When life becomes hectic and moods swing for no apparent reason, women need help. And who better to give it to them than the husband. And often this help takes the form of patience, understanding, appreciation and honesty.

Merely by listening to his wife a husband shows that he cares. By appreciating her new hairstyle or telling her how good she looks in the new salwar he lets her know that she is still the focus of his attention. By being honest with her – even in tricky situations – he encourages her to be open with him.

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How to handle the stress of managing the family

Career and a husband’s expectations can sometimes be overwhelming. Lean to cope with it.

Unless a wife learns to cope up with all the things that everyday throws up, she is likely to end up quite frustrated and depressed. Here are some useful pointers that will help you balance your various responsibilities at home and outside.

Get organised

When you are a working woman, you are always hard-pressed for time. And if you are unorganised, searching for things can eat up your time. Keep your documents neatly filed under relevant categories. Maintain a place for each thing, so you don’t have to go hunting for it. Write down a date diary of schedules to pay bills, get health check-ups done and so on.

Plan ahead

Plan every working day the previous night …. what you are going to cook the next day, clothes to wear. Make a list of other things you need to check, say for instance whether children’s uniforms are ironed and shoes cleaned, whether you need to buy grocery and so on.

Don’t try to be superwoman

Do the best you can but don’t blame yourself if everything does not turn out perfect. Sometimes when you have a stressful day at work, a few household chores may go undone or you may be unable to prepare the special dinner you wanted to make. Don’t let these things stress you. Get support for some of your household chores. Involve your kids in domestic chores based on their age. A 5 year old can lay the plates on the tables while a 15 year old could make a salad.

“Us” time

Carve out some special “us” time with your husband. Make this as pleasant and romantic as possible. Go beyond sharing just the mundane details of the day compliment him on his looks, qualities or something that he has done for you. Surprise him now and then with little things – cooking his favourite dish, gifts etc.

Cultivate healthy habits

Exercise to keep yourself fit and healthy enough to cope up with the daily demands of your home and family. Eat nourishing food that provides you with nutrients to keep you healthy. Spend some time by yourself everyday, even if it’s just 10 minutes, being by yourself can help you clear your mind and feel fresher.

Acknowledge negative feelings

During the course of daily life, there are moments when you are bound to find yourself angry or frustrated. You need to get this negativity out of your system but do not let it out on your family. Instead take deep breaths, go for a walk in fresh air or perform some physical activity to calm yourself down.

Reward yourself everyday

Make yourself feel happy everyday, go in for one self-indulgent activity a day. It could be as simple as biting into a bar of your favourite chocolate, going for a walk or wearing a dress you love. Be happy to just be you!

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